Or at least someone unstable AF. I found myself getting teary today at the pediatrician’s office as I picked up the packet of information for therapists and psychiatrists.
Then I wanted to punch the receptionist whom I’ve known for close to fifteen years because she didn’t give me the answer I wanted.
The grocery store is also a very inconvenient place to have an emotional meltdown as tears came unexpectedly when I was waiting for the deli to give me the brussel sprouts (and no, I wasn’t crying because I was buying brussel sprouts).
Not to mention that I hang up on two psychiatrist offices today when they told me they’re not taking new patients. I actually told one that they need to stop giving their names to people if they’re not taking new patients. I’m sure I sounded completely mentally stable to her.
Or the poor customer service person at my ridiculously useless insurance company as I yelled at her. I seriously can’t do that job. I’m sure they get people like me on a daily basis yelling at how ridiculous they were.
It’s not even noon yet.
Don’t worry, I’m seeing my therapist next week. In the meantime, I try to control this other person–sleep deprived, frustrated with the health care system, scared for her child, and irrationally angry at people.
I need to get my shit together before my kids come home. Because ultimately, I’m doing this for my children. Regardless of how I feel, how unbalanced things have become from my perspective, its about keeping things on an even keel for everyone while trying to normalize our new reality.